The Knew and Improved Version, at your service...

Hey guys, i'm back! I know, you've been waiting for a couple millenium, but what can i say.
I was partyin' and lost track of time. Hopefully i've arrived just in the nick of time.

That's the good news, for some of you that'll be good enough; but for many others you're not gonna' like the rest of the story. Tough shit! i've returned to make everything perfectly clear.
The TRUTH to the REALITY is them damn fools at Scientology are makin' a fortune foolin' people into believing they're clear.
While i'm hear to make everything perfectly clear, i ain't chargin' you anything. As far as i'm concerned, you don't even need to pay your church anything anymore! I hope i've made this perfectly clear.

With the extra money you've now got in your pocket, i'd like you to spread it around in your community where it is in REALITY needed. And that is the REASON you don't have to give to your churches anymore. They've got plenty of money, and i'm hear now so you don't have to listen to their dribble.

So, to make this perfectly CLEAR, my mind is close to HERE & i hope you HEAR what i am about to tell you. I'll always give you a REASON, because in my mind...
GOD is REASON, and to tell you the TRUTH, i hear the name somewhat differently than some of you.
What you must understand from hear on out is that TRUTH is REALITY, and REALITY is TRUTH. HAPPINESS is the goal, and you all are being sold a bunch of crap. I've returned to set things straight once and for all - and then we all can get off the wheel!
If i screw this up, don't worry. Either we'll have blown ourselves up, or we'll send jesus version 3.0.

Little Ronny Huckster may have got it right, but it ain't right to suck the money out of people. i'm guessin' l.ron hubbard is suckin' the big one right now. He's probably got a cane stuck up the other end, because he was so able to fool people.

So, for the sake of our story, pretend this is true...
I am an immortal alien spiritual being, call me a thetan if you feel like it, and i'm trapped in this physical body. I was nurtured in the womb of GABRIELLE, and given the name DANIEL. In REALITY this has screwed up the story a bit. They were suppose to name me Jesus 2.0 - but that didn't happen. Sometimes shit happens, and sometimes it don't. There's a REASON for this,
sometimes the REASON is FATE, and sometimes it's DESIGN. In REALITY, DANIEL has 2 daughters that he's called Fate & Design - to protect the innocent.

Are you wondering why i'm now jesus 2.3? Hears the REASON for that: DANIEL started a blog called PassionateReason because WISDOM told him to "be anonymous, but please tell us the TRUTH." So this is what DANIEL did. Nobody seemed to be listening though.

So DANIEL came up with an alternate REALITY, but this alternate REALITY, is in REALITY DANIEL's TRUTH. By shear coincidence, you may even recognize some of it as another TRUTH. You'll have to figure that out on your own.

This alternate REALITY, that in REALITY is the TRUTH is DANIEL's blog called, immaculatelystoned. You see, in REALITY jesus 2.3 is a stoner. Sorry if you think that's bad news. It's possible that when jesus 1.0 was turning that water into wine, he may have also turned some hemp rope into fine lebanese hash. If i was there, i would have told everybody to drink the wine in moderation, but enjoy the hash - it won't kill you.

Everybody got so stoned though, they forgot the part about moderation, and how the hash won't kill you. C'est la vie!

As you can imagine, not many people believe that some immaculately stoned guy knows what the TRUTH is to our common REALITY. Therefore, this new blog. Miraculously, i am hear now, just call me...

JESUS (version 2.3)

Some of you might have been expecting me as some sort of God. Sorry to dissapoint you.

Some of you might have expected another Buddha. Well, you're almost correct. I'm not a fat bald guy sittin' in the corner grinning from ear to ear, i'm actually that jolly old elf, bearded from ear to ear - delivering what needs to be delivered, to both the naughty and nice!

Still others have been expecting me, and they are actually correct.

They know i was just a prophet,

and now this mastermind is going to set things straight.

The REASON i'm doin' this is because this mastermind has mastered his mind,

and he's not lookin' for any profit.

Besides this blog, the WORD will be spread on youtube & facebook (DANIEL will be channeling me, and you can find dannymac at Channels). I've decided to use radio call ins also. Since i'm suppose to be thetan, i think i'll arrive on a UFO. And since we're talkin' radio, we'll go right to the source.

Don't worry your little heads if you're not in the Portland listening area. The signal is broadcast on the World Wide Web. Just be patient. You'll be hearin' more from me soon...